just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
