3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
