Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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