Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
