The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
