some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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