she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
