Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
