P.S. I can't hear my feet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
