Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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