I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
