im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
