OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
