Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
