I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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