toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
