Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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