a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
