i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
