Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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