Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
