Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
