need another drink. this is the easiest way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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