i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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