Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
