never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This toilet bowl is my home.
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