you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
sex in a hospital.. check
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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