apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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