its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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