i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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