Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
