i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there is glitter all over my balls
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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