I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
