to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
