So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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