that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
