plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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