Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
