I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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