weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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