Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
