Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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