Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
