I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
