can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
