So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
honey bunches of taint.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
