Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
