Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
