...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
