Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
