someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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