I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
