My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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