No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
