i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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