apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
