How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
