Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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