The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
