I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
