and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
