He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
