Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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