If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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