Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
