There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
