I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
