a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
