We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
