I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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