Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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