Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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